HI KELLY

Michael: Jim, you’re 6’11 and you weigh 90 pounds. Gumby has a better body than you. Boom, roasted. Dwight, you’re a kiss-ass. Boom, roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom, roasted. Meredith, you’ve slept with so many guys you’re starting to look like one. Boom, roasted. Kevin, I can’t decide between a fat joke or a dumb joke. Boom, roasted. Creed, your teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom, roasted. Angela, where’s Angela? Whoa, there you are. I didn’t see you there behind that grain of rice. Boom, roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom, roasted. Oscar, you’re gay. Boom, roasted. Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck. And you’re gayer than Oscar. Boom, roasted.